What Are We Looking At?

What are we looking at?

Honestly what are we all interested in that is so appealing about how others look, what they’re interested in, likes or dislikes they may have and everything that makes them unique. We all silently or even sometimes more openly do it, so why is it so important that we comment on what we think. Maybe it’s do with our built-in social nature that we try to judge whether some is suitable enough to talk with or if they meet our expectations of ‘normality’. It’s nice to think that we’re noticed and seen, but how are we to know that secretly someone else is slating us and making us out to be something we most definitely are not?

It all comes back to the line ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ which is true, but it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen because it just is society, a feature that’s within our means and without this pre-judgement and quick look up and down we become disconnected as humans, too afraid that we’re staring or being nosy but maybe this is what we need more of? In no way am I suggesting that we should go around eyeing up every individual deciding whether, they’re ‘cool’ or worthy of being an almost decent human being however what I am saying is that if we just took a little more notice and actually cared for complete strangers then some of the most devastatingly blatant problems could be avoided. Obviously it’s easy to spot when someone is physically ill or looks a little under the weather, what about if someone was feeling low or secluded? Is that as easy to notice? Probably not! Being singled out and made to feel as though this hasn’t been picked upon is even worse. It can be strange how the smallest of words can alter this mood or feeling, talking from personal experiences here, try it – giving a short complement to someone you come into contact with. Evidently not everyone relies on this mantra, because lets face it there are individuals who don’t need it, who are too egotistic to even realise that others exist on this planet, but still a little acknowledgement wouldn’t go a miss.

For me this week it was high and low central, there were many moments that just left me feeling reclusive and defective to the world on the other hand I did actually get up to some pretty eventful things which actually made me feel a lot better. It’s safe to say I’m ending the week on a kind of high (It’s Monday tomorrow, not everything is bright and rosy).

In a little more detail the lows, were so bad in fact I feel almost shit writing about them now because they’re devastatingly horrific. I don’t fully want to go into great depth because I want to say that it’s over (for now) but this probably isn’t going to stay this way. No one and I mean everyone can be on a constant high, even the meth addicts have to come off drugs sometime *rolls eyes at attempted joke*. Come downs are sad and being there is the reason why I started this blog so perhaps something good did come from experiencing this drowning, lonely emotion (totally debatable of course).

Apologies for the lack of substance and meaning in this post, I really for once am not in the mood but then aside from this I don’t know what I’m going to do for the rest of today… Thinking sounds good, thinking about where I am, where I’m headed and then how much I over think this very situation every time. It’s not that I am not excited for the future it’s just finding out what that will be and getting there!

Enjoy the coming week, there is hope and try not to put yourself in situations where it’s inevitable that you’ll feel low. At least I’ll try to achieve this!

 

LIAM OUT!


Liam Thompson - liam.thompson123@hotmail.com - @Sup_Liam

 

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The (Erotic) Girl on the Train

Inspiration this week was drawn from the strangest events, perhaps even the most insignificant but meaningful ones. But despite the titling I can confirm that the erotic girl on the train was definitely not something I enjoyed. Here it goes… Picture it as Friday 21st October and I was on my usual very (emphasis on the very) crowded train home it was 5:36 that it all began. Me feeling tired, sleepy and a bunch of other shitty emotions but that’s not the focus here. As I did my usual walk-run from work to the train station just so I could at least have some standing space when I got on was something dreams were made of. Sadly to my usual discontentment I was stood in a pretty awkward position just praying that the train would leave on time and any unnecessary personal space invasive conversations were not started.

A few minutes before we were due to leave things got very close and I was pretty much struggling to find some space to ‘inadvertently’ fall asleep whilst stood up. A side note here before you ask, yes I do this pretty often call it resting my eyes or whatever you want but it actually feels so good after work. Back on ‘track’ anyway *tries to take credit for unplanned train based pun*, so a group of teenage/young adult girls came onto the train specifically my carriage they were stereotypically talking about makeup with one giving advice to the other two about what products she used… I won’t go on. Followed by the girls getting on another three or four people joined the carriage, at this point my sleeping and trying not to draw attention was completely off the cards, all of us now like sardines in a can with very little space to even reach my hands and rest them in my coat pockets. If ever there was a hashtag for this moment it would definitely be #AWKWARD, capital letters, bold, underline!

The train was going now, doors closed and one of the three girls was stood with her back to me, very close (maybe a little too much). Anyway during the ten or so minutes that I was on the train this girl was definitely enjoying herself, a little too much! I’m not sure that she meant it or was doing it intentionally but every time there was a jolt or even the slightest movement from the train it would be followed by a cheeky touching of my leg which was definitely not expected on a Friday evening, was it my closed eyes that caught her attention? Did she genuinely think I was asleep and that I wouldn’t notice? Who knows? All I can say is, I’m glad that she enjoyed herself and for my sake that it is now over and I’ll probably never see her again.

Shame really :/

On another note I did for real go and see the ACTUAL girl on the train this week, Emily Blunt starred in this one before anyone questions are raised! This unlike my erotic version was intense on a different scale, well scripted and a lot more enjoyable. But that whole short-lived scenario made me think, why? Was she insecure, looking for attention or is this just how she behaved? To publicly do something like that and make me feel a little.. embarrassed, it’s disheartening and kind knocks my faith in humanity just a tad. But then I kind have to realise that this isn’t everyone and it’s just a small bad sample of society, seriously someone should show that girl some manners!

At least ask next time. Please.

Insecurities are painful, but we all have them in some way, shape or form whether you’re prepared to admit it or not. Talking about them and to an extent embracing them is helpful, this has definitely helped me along with many others in the past. Take some of the most iconic figures they all stood out and were different but they didn’t apologise or say ‘actually I am wrong’ because they knew that this wasn’t true and chances are others will always share the same thoughts. So this week and from now on being is what I shall be, in other words sorry but not sorry, I may apologise to some low indivduals for having a certain view, or doing a task in a specific way but not to the people that actually matter, that is what matters.

Take from this what you will, be that low individual or just open your mind and accept a difference of opinion.

And remember, watch out the erotic girl on the train is about!

 

LIAM OUT!

 

Social Media Disconnection

Past, present and future aside I guess this is where it gets real tough. So far I’ve tried to set out who I am, what I’ve been through and where I want to go, now for the more difficult part maintaining these thoughts and giving readers something worthwhile and enriching to read.

Let’s be honest and ask ourselves how much time do I have to spare today? Then question why you were drawn to reading this? Feel free to comment but that’s not important or what this is about; what I’m getting to is standing out and being different is actually so difficult. With the current 7 billion and upwards on the planet how are you as an individual supposed to even give this a shot?

Exactly.

However the world that many of us live in is actually pretty small, there’s probably if you’re like me about a handful of other individuals that I care about and rely upon. (With the exception of Kim Kardashian and every other lame celebrity that we are somehow interested in) These close others mean something to us but only because we have together shared some kind of experience or moment. It seems that childhood is just a forced experience, in school we’re all there to become ‘educated’ (supposedly) but socially this is also a big learning curve, with some of us falling and others rising to the top in the fight for dominance. As scary as this was, this is no way a true representation of the society that we really live in (sometimes referred to as the ‘living in the real world’). Moving on from that awkwardly deep procrastination, in blatant terms school ≠ life purely because it’s so forced and just means that failure is bound to happen. Maybe a more true model would be failure = life, but then moving on from this failure or ‘perceived’ failure is where things get interesting… The choice is yours!

Now for a more personal issue, a surprisingly sad and impacting event happened this week and well I guess it isn’t something that’s new to me or all that different from how my childhood was but I feel as though I should share it as there are definitely others that can relate. Welcome to 2016.

It was Wednesday evening and I was leaving for the gym (as I do pretty much every other dull Wednesday), already feeling a little tired at this point it must have been about 7pm. Gathering myself together and readying for physical exercise, which would definitely divide a group of teenagers think of it as pizza lovers vs healthy juicers. Anyway… it was part way through the car journey to the gym that this happened, setting the scene think dark sky, headlights, sitting behind the steering wheel, a popular radio station blasting. Then it struck me, remember at this moment in time that I was tired and exercise did not seem like a good first option, but I’m all for plan B’s, half way through my ride there I felt a little empty; lost and disoriented I reached down to do a double-check of my pocket, then the other. Confirmed! It wasn’t there! Do I turn home now to pick it up or do I prove to myself that actually I can cope without it?

If you hadn’t already guessed what this was I’d left my phone at HOME! (tragic)

The feeling in that moment was that I was so disconnected from the world, what if someone text or I was needed in an emergency, more importantly how was I going to ‘gym’ without it? Then after the initial ‘Shit it’s at home’ it crossed my mind that realistically this is so 100% sad and I can definitely cope without it? Surely? Concluding this borderline ‘story’ come desperate side note, I didn’t go home even though it was a close 50/50 split, instead I carried on, went to the gym and actually felt a little better for it. No lies it was pretty tense, with no earphone barrier to defend me from the dreaded protein heads, but happily this over-thought fantasy never surfaced and at most I was un-contactable for an hour at least (not that anyone entirely cared) :/.

Post phone-gate and failure = life, I feel as though it was a pretty ‘decent-ish’ week. Nothing too amazing happened there were anxiety filled moments but nothing that I totally couldn’t deal with.

*Prays to the well-being Gods for another livable week* 🙂

 

LIAM OUT!

 

Where do you see yourself etc.

To put it simply, the future is my main focus for this week and it seems to be something that everyone struggles with. We’re all trying to be something, to create someone and be recognised or rewarded for doing so. Why then does it seem so unsatisfying when we fail or lose hope of even being able to achieve any of this?

Being totally honest most of the above are happening right now, as you can see I’m trying to achieve something, to create a blog and gather followers, spread the word. This so far hasn’t been the greatest success but then that doesn’t mean I’ve failed (just yet). Looking at this from a more positive angle, I haven’t exactly put maximum effort in so it’s pretty straightforward that I’ll never get the maximum out.

Swiftly plodding on… to more personal matters. Firstly if I was tasked with the question where would you see yourself in say 5 years? Depending on the scenario I would probably answer this question a little differently, because let’s face it, it’s maybe one of the top ten job interview questions and well I’d definitely just bullshit or be more serious in the way that I handled answering this question in that situation. However my honest and initial answer like every other human being would be either: ‘I don’t know’, promptly after which I would try to think of something totally inventive and unique to say… ooorr it would be that I’ll be successful have money, a respectable car, possibly a house, some one to cuddle up next to at the end of the day. With the second generic answer, this kind of implies that in 5 years, to put it bluntly ‘I’ll have my shit together’ which we can all kind of say but probably and most definitely will never be true, because as a fellow person I can confirm that we will never, EVER, be satisfied. True story.

At this point I’m guessing that you’re wondering what my actual, thought out and more honest answer will be (if not I’m going to witter on about it anyway).

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In 5 years I would hope that personally I know who I am and don’t need others to hold me because at the moment I am maybe a little reliant on others to make me feel better. Slowly I am getting to this point already, partly due to the fact that now I know how my thoughts and emotions work, what partially causes me to go into a state of anxiety and then how to pick myself back up afterwards. Being a creative person and having urges to just do something contructive is probably what sets it off, yes I said it I’m a do-er *one person silently giggles*. University and studying didn’t help this because let’s face it I was sat there listening, being told how things were done, which yes is important I’m not saying it isn’t. Although to me that’s just so boring and it got to me so I made the decision to quit which was also pretty tough because I have definetely never given up without a fight before. But now even though my job isn’t the world’s greatest it allows me to actually do something constructive and interact with what seem to be real people, which is kind of where learning bores me, it’s all what if this, theoretically that… when in actual fact in reality this is far from being the truth.

Back to the original question in 5 years, I (hopefully) would be able to understand myself whilst also learning new things that I never knew I would be able to achieve or feel. More specifically, socially I would like to think that I was surrounded by people who value me as a person and then I am able to feel the same towards them. Individuals who mock you and really don’t care after the event are the worst, it does consequently work both ways but having someone you can rely upon when you’re feeling low is so humbling and is defintely a #LifeGoal. Job security, work-life balance and challenges are all things which time and time again are mentioned when it comes to career choices, so if you’re bored of all that please skip this paragraph now! Yes I would love it if I found that ‘dream’ job role which would give me great rewards and more freedom, but honestly that is so difficult to even find it almost feels wrong trying. However instead of finding one job and having one career path in mind, at the moment and in the future I hope that I’m able to take on multiple roles (not all at once, silly). A little optimist I know, still why shouldn’t I be, after all no one else is going to tell me that I want a career change or tell me that what I’m doing just isn’t feeling quite right.

In summary variety, change and similarities are all going to happen at some point in the future all that I can be is positive that my forthcoming will be exactly what I make it. And I’ll have to just fucking accept it, or of course change it (it’s not quitting I promise!)

That would be my answer to the age old question, it’s probably not the most informative, neither is it that different to many others, however at least I tried! On the bright side at least my horoscope for this week is looking good (for all those Gemini’s out there)

 

LIAM OUT!

 

 

Nail-biting for the now

Don’t be too put off by the title of this post, I am not actually going to break down whilst writing this (I hope). Honestly though, I thought I’d go for talking about the present moment, since I’ve already covered the past (you can kind of guess what will follow next, SPOILER ALERT: the future)

Removing all the boring mundane everyday obligations and focussing more on the events that actually possess some moments of interest. Firstly the week started off with Monday as always this was 100% effort with very little reward but after about 11am that feeling disappears and you forget that the weekend ever actually happened, which is a major sad face 😦 The actual moment I’m getting to here happened at about precisely 6:45pm Tuesday evening, this I will call rewiring…

Arriving home on the 27th after work, de-stressing, eating and then setting myself up for what could potentially be an exciting night (probably not in most cases). First of all I probably should mention that currently we’re having our bathroom re-fitted, the whole works: flooring, walls, electrics, showers, sinks and anything else you could think of really. This is important because it kind of leads to the most exciting event on Tuesday evening, so after the coming home routine, my Dad (chief DIY-er) is re-wiring for the fancy new electric shower I’m told we’re getting. A lot of the time I get asked to help with some of his ‘projects’ so I swiftly tried to avoid being a part of this one! Failure was the result. Yes I was roped into helping him connect wires through walls, under floors and then anywhere else that meant they were hidden within the chasms of our (still standing) home.  Moving on to what I see as the more exciting part, yes this was me feeding wires into the very framework of the house and lets say after a few mishaps we got going, the aim was to get the cable down into the garage, which for all you wannabe electricians is where the main fuse board is. So there I was giving it a good push and shove (oh eh ;)), little did I or my Dad realise that we were actually above a more important and as my Mom would say ‘on show’ part of the house, this being the hallway (key feature right there).

Moving onwards and upwards which clearly juxtaposes where the wiring was supposed to be headed. Between us (me and my Dad) we managed to create a decent sized hole right in the middle of the hallway, obviously you can imagine I at this point was totally proud of the mass destruction we had caused, oh the thrills of a Tuesday evening (is this really what my life has come to, getting thrills from completely defacing our pretty good-looking home). At first we didn’t mention a word to my Mom who was clueless at this point, however I’m not sure it was the most discreet or avoidable of holes so eventually she found it and let’s say wasn’t too happy, that of course being a complete understatement!

To kind of summarise this happening I would firmly give it a 6 out of 10 for excitement and 10 out of 10 for making the ‘things I would not like to be doing when I get home from work’ list. Eventually we sorted the whole ‘issue’ even though we still don’t have a working shower system we managed to accomplish something. At least I think we did, until the pipe work has to go in.. Maybe next Tuesday will be as exciting as this.

Perhaps not!

This was not the only traumatic thing to happen to me this week, oh no. Ticket-gate was next, maybe not as anxiety filled as operation lets rewire the whole house, but still it was somewhere on the scale of memorable weekly events. Wednesday was the day it happened basically to put it to anyone else I left my new train ticket at home whilst travelling to work on the TRAIN! To me it was pretty traumatic, I had to get through the fucking ticket barrier of death with actually having a valid ticket… Dun… Dun.. Dun… How did I do this you may say? (Perhaps not?) Well the art of persuasion was on my side and that fact that I had a card which states ‘direct debit’ with a nice little mug shot of me included (Facebook profile picture before anyone teases). Luckily the guy to hand was pretty understanding it was either that or he really could not be arsed to deal with me at 8:50am on a Wednesday morning. I imagine him later sharing this rather pathetic story around some kind of lunch table or with his fellow colleagues whilst working during the day when next to no one but pensioners were around, one of those options but probably the most obvious result being that this was just a particularly regular event which was just going to slide his memory the very second the next ‘valid’ ticket went through the barrier.

Apologies for being a little boring this time around, I mean if I’m totally honest who actually has an exciting week 52 weeks a year, not me and neither does the rest of the world. Unless you’re a newsreader, where literally something shocking happens every day, like how this week I noticed that they mentioned how WOMEN were suffering from mental health problems. Just WOMEN. *Cough* *Cough* *Chokes on air* This to me just seems as bad if not worse as the whole ‘gender pay gap’ argument, I really hope they do realise that its everyone who is affected by this issue and not just women because they’re portrayed or stereotyped as being the most fragile. Definitely not! I won’t go on because my view is obvious but still this annoyed me. Let’s not rant!

This [post] has made me happy and actually included all of the content I had planned, which is good. There is one more thing.. which I’m a little apprehensive about but I guess I should just say it otherwise it would be completely hypocritical of me. This week I decided to write a short story, which is still currently in progress and is probably utter shite but it’s the most I’ve ever written and it just happened completely naturally so I’ll leave you with the title and a bit of background, it’s called X Marks the Spot (very originally titled) and is about a recent love interest which never really went to plan. Hopefully if I can finish that and be willing to type for that long, I may upload it depending on how I’m feeling.

So this is good-bye, here’s to another week of ‘fun’ little anxieties

 

LIAM OUT!