Who Are You?

Asking myself, who are you? The constant chronicles of self reassessment and varying definitions of being me. Sometimes questioning whether that inner voice is the same person or is this just my instincts kicking in? When tasked with an over complicated situation I struggle to comprehend the easy way out, always a little difficult which is the social code for; awkward.

Awkward I have decided though is me. First and foremost this is my nature, never being able to see the obvious social solution, just keep smiling I decide. Looking vacant and half in the conversation, half out, still here but my mind occupied with the seven other scenarios I am desperately still trying to solve and so I quiz myself once more. This time disconnecting myself from me and the experience as though viewing life through a VR lens, as though there is an element that this isn’t real and as though just standing by will help me for one more second go unnoticed.

As I slip back from the virtual environment I realise actually I do know what to do and this time smiling is the answer, reassuring others that they too are being listened to. Even if my contribution is minimal or I look stupid, feeling embarrassed, there’s still the idea that the awkwardness is me.

Living in fear of saying and not doing for so long. Instead when feeling stuck and lost I look to myself in the mirror for help, reassurance that I exist and that what other people are seeing isn’t a fake irrelevant image of some alternate reality. One where a tragic emotionless society is born, now together we talk, relate and move things forward, a friendship is born then suddenly forever we are bonded. Until one ghosts the other or until I reassess another individual change and then we grow apart.

Once again left asking myself, who are you?

 

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Solo Warriors

Fists clenched, nails torn. Just another day gone by where feeling cheated and ripped in two are the norm. Anxiety.

They call me social recluse, they call me introvert yet they never think to take one look beyond this dark and plain book cover. Read the content,  to fathom whether or not my story line has any meaning or if I can be the next popular best seller. Thrown back on the pile, left for the next to try until finally I lose faith. Become a solo warrior. Lone or not they will see me rise.

Taking on this world with no immediate person to call upon for help. I am solo warrior. Every last millimeter of me now swollen, hairs stood on end with a solemn shiver down the spine. Fire in the eyes, anxiety in my heart with fingers ready to let out spurs of pure explosion. This feeling is all too familiar, my cheeks burn rosy red but embarrassed I am not. Looking around everyone else is, looking right through I don’t give a fuck. Middle finger, anxiety. Middle finger, pain. Not today my too familiar enemy.

Please.

Honestly just a stroll down the street now haunts me. Nails and finger fumbling are my strategy discreetly hoping that they are unnoticed, I see others share the same and immediately I am filled with hope and belonging. Here I am welcome and can now be myself. Alone no more, surrounded by stress and worry together we conquer.

A gathering of solo warriors now becomes a team, staring the anguish in its eyes. This time, introverts sit together perhaps alone on the sofa but always drawn together. A cup of freshly dripped tea in hand with just one thing missing. A friend.

The Loner

Sat staring into space, earphones in with controversial alternative sounds playing. You may call them an outcast or refer to them as an introvert but the truth is that this is their 12am rave, deep house party and deadly dosage of drugs all in one. There are so many alike, never met before due to their awkward reclusive stances. Taking a back seat in life yet still ever more driven and intelligent, the ‘just here to make up the numbers’ image of them was a lie in the end it seems, becoming a globally profound name. Number one in their profession, a reliable force to be beckoned with, shaping this world, still never given the credit they deserve.

Mark Zuckerburg, Abraham Lincoln to name a few. Wildly introvert but responsive to change and ideas flowing faster than could be liked, shared or commented only wishing he had hash-tagged that.

A blank page to be written. Your story, make it short, write a novel with never-ending chapters; take a moment, waste it or create the next big mainstream adopted social norm.

Be organic and grow, be an introvert and speak freely.

Be lone and face the world.
Admittedly this was a little different from my usual content, looking at motivation and positivity from a different angle was productive. Short and straight to the point is this weeks mantra.

I hope you liked it and as always I am open to suggestions, talking with others and being positive!
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Twenty First Century Ignorance

Just because love is the most relatable emotion doesn’t make it so all powerful and almighty. What about loss? Or how you felt when you were constantly ignored by your parents? 

Ignorance is perhaps not meant or felt but being ignored or misunderstood is painful and when it happens is so much groundbreakingly worse. I guess just to go that one step further and say that anxiety, depression and mental illness can sometimes root from blatant ignorance is in my opinion wholly and completely true. Feeling worthless and as though no one cares, screaming for help when even tumbleweeds aren’t blowing your way is horrible. Period. It’s not always necessarily any one persons fault, blame society, blame the situation but NEVER yourself. 

How many times have you ever been ignored though? Now if I was to think about it, countless times. Not every ignorance is meaningful, though sometimes its just coincidence and not realising that one person isn’t getting enough attention happens naturally. The situation we now live in is also to blame, it’s so easy to not reply to that text message or forget you were supposed to wish someone luck in their upcoming job interview. That’s the cause, what about the solution, how should we take on this 21st century ignorance? 

OK. Truthfully there is no plan from this point, I guess I’ve ignored the fact that I should have thought about this a little more. However, last minute spur of the moment thinking is sometimes the best… no I won’t ignore this crisis, here is what I propose to you. Anyone can do it right now (no excuses) providing you have an up-to-date phone or access to the internet… hopefully you do otherwise how else will you access every single ‘What Are You Looking At?’ post? 😉

Step 1: Reach for your phone (imagining that this one won’t be too difficult), open messages, Facebook messenger or any kind of chat enabling application.



Step 2: Now viewing the last three conversations or people you spoke to, in all honesty this could be any three consecutive items in the list. 



Step 3: Here comes the difficult and 21st century ignorance part! Think about individually those three people, asking yourself obvious sounding questions: 

  • What are they doing this weekend? 
  • What was my reason for last speaking to them?
  • How is this person likely to be feeling?  
  • Do they usually go out a lot or are they a little introverted?

Step 4: Finally, if you thought that those questions were a) difficult to answer or b) made you feel as though you’ve been a terrible person and probably should contact them more, then do something about it! Speak with them, even if the conversation ends after you asked how are you? At least you tried visioning and attempting to make sense of someone’s thoughts and feelings.



As previously stated this was complete on the spot thinking and probably has a lot of flaws, which are now countlessly running through my mind as I overthink the situation. Buuuut… it’s a start and I challenge anyone to streamline this and solve the 21st century ignorance we are tasked with; which is basically the saga of mobile phones, social media and meeting your next love on tinder. 

Now as we are now in the midst of ‘new year, new me’ plans I’m going to try something a little different yet helpful, maybe I should call it ‘Agony Uncle’ or something like that? What about ‘Lovin’ from Liam’? Definitely not *tries to conjure new name on the spot* Either way click here to contact me and I will attempt to begin helping you or any friends you may have on the path to positivity. One catch: keep it kosher, please?

Thanks


Liam 😊 

One Ultimate Excuse

2-0-1-7 

Yup apparently the clocks chimed the night of the 31st and now I’m here, planning out how to make the next 365 days more productive and meaningful than the the previous lot. Well for one what I do know is that no one is in their right frame of mind New Year’s Day, three quarters of the population is still suffering from an alcoholic induced coma and then the rest are too sleep deprived to even remember what time they’re supposed to be putting on the Sunday roast. Maybe next year I should have a quiet one, stay in, relax and go to bed waking up with a fresh head and a heap of presents… not that, that doesn’t sound like a repeat of Christmas Day! *considers the idea*

First of all, to kick off the ‘New Year, New Me’ campaign which seems to be running around this time every year. Let’s mention the glaringly obvious resolutions along with the age old yet considerably ‘new’ problems. Eating healthily, dropping pounds, becoming fit and then focussing on bettering you’re well being; all of these of course are in a bid to become eternally happy. Now usually I’m all for positivity and bettering my well being but right now I’m deciding to be a little negative and say well what I won’t do this year is abide by every last positive – instead I’ll say ‘no‘, plainly because this is something I struggle with as an individual. 

It seems I am forever tasked with making decisions and having to come up with an excuse as to why I don’t want to attend my great aunts afternoon tea or how I cannot make the cinema this weekend. The resolute here instead will now be: no. The overall idea behind this is that I should hopefully feel less guilty for turning down meaningless events in order to make others content with themselves. Clearly here I’m not pioneering that you should turn down your sisters birthday meal, unless of course you genuinely cannot make it – he says with an evil intention in his mind, perhaps if she’s paying?

Have a think, how many times have you attended an event you didn’t want to or had no intention of doing so until forced to by a significant other? The answer, now you’re thinking about it is probably multiplying by the thousands, thoughts and ideas to take from this concept should have an overall positive intention but a negative response, confusing isn’t it? Similar to saying yes I will but just not today, (social procrastination at its finest) I’m sure this resolution will slowly phase out with the guilt eventually avalanched on top of me and everyone thinking I’m some kind of social recluse. 

It’s not selfish just honest and thoughful. Give it a try, just don’t blame me if this becomes a hobby. My final spur of the moment thought: imagine it as playing hard to get just to wipe away some of the guilt ridden thoughts.

Happy New Year and best wishes! Erm… no.
Liam OUT!