Not My Final Post - For Now

I made a promise, I stuck to it.

At least 6 months on since I began this blog and now it seems the times they have changed, that space that once wasn’t so occupied became occupied. For anyone that cared, paid attention or even allowed me to help them I am grateful, for now perhaps temporary positive spirits have arisen, progression has happened and as a person I feel more aware and alert of the struggles, along with the inconveniences that we as an imperfect race have to deal with.

Many moments and reactions have made me smile, feeling loved and not alone, even though at first the search for attention was difficult to find but I’ll definitely always rely upon bloggers for the sometimes niche emotions that are felt. Popularity was never something I sought just to voice and hone my feelings into small written chunks has been enough. This isn’t an eternal end to ‘What Are You Looking At?’ And most definitely isn’t the last thing I will ever write or allow to be felt, the message will as always be the same to push aside doubts, negative opinion, radical thoughts and ask them why is it they are staring so plainly into your mind?

I imagine that this post is likely to be for me a dark cloud clearing way for the sun to shine. However, this will not forever be the case and there will come days, moments and minutes where dark castings of thunder fill the sky, desperately trying to remember that the rain can pour coming with it darkness yet there will always be a bright and open one just beyond the skyline.

Now I shall say one final thank you and temporary good-bye.

Before I do, one final bombshell and hopefully listened to thought!

My main focus from now on will be in short ‘Darkspots’ which only leads to now more puzzled looks, an explanation here is needed. Darkspots is purely my creation an offering to the world aiming to tackle mental health issues, approaching wellbeing and attitude from a different angle. Essentially there be will be blog posts on the site for everyone to see with the main event currently being a monthly subscription service. For the cost of just £10 a month subscribers will of course part with their all important payment information… still feel a little guilty about this but it’s the only way we could make it all possible! In return they will receive a box filled with products, tips and thought-provoking items in order to tackle those ‘darkspots’ and mental road blocks. So I guess you could call this a PLUG but there had to be a mention of this in here somewhere, a cold exit is never a positive one.

Check out the site here at www.darkspots.co.uk – Happy viewing!

Now as an OCD thing I always like to be the one who finishes the conversation, a huge amount of guilt is felt otherwise. Which only means that leaving this behind and finding a definite way to end is even more procrastination filled. Getting myself together and building up the courage to stop was more difficult than planned, filling the hole of writing this every Sunday will for at least a while haunt me.

Farewell and a final thank you 🙂 x

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Read Me and Don’t Ignore :'(

Facebook algorithms trying to pick up on harmful depressing habits, fake disconnected messages from ‘friends’ asking if you’re OK only to never be truly acknowledged are all well and rosy but where’s the feeling, the real immersed experience and raw emotion? Someone who actually and yes I mean actually cares where are they at? Because right now all I want to do is screw up my duvet cover, cover my face and scream with every last vocal cord inside me.

Loneliness and maintaining friendships or even finding friends for that matter are so hard to come by it seems that if I actually went through my Facebook account and deleted all of the people I haven’t spoken to in the last 6 months there would be about exactly 0 shown next to the little ‘friends’ icon. Now yes I guess this is a cry for help because every single person who suffers the same fate knows exactly how this feels, not having really anyone to turn to, having family think you’re suffering and being portrayed by every other soul as weak or told to just ‘harden up a bit’.

How about, no?

Actually that’s not a question it should be a statement. How about, no!

Individuals may argue that we live in a feminine world where emotions, fashion, looks and mannerisms are becoming too dominant but I for one completely and truly disagree. After leaving education where your mind and body is surrounded by others non-stop, with the same old dramas of relationships and struggling to decipher what it is we should do with our lives, with this all being acted out in front of our very eyes. Social media making us hungry to know who went on to become the next big popular party animal at university or how the perfect couple are still together taking endless selfies of their latest break to Iceland, leaving only I, you and us to figure out the realities of all of this.

Sure there have been bright moments but these are only later foreshadowed by the dark looms of unhappiness and feeling unwanted by the world. Celebrities and public figures throwing their thoughts in, under-funded and left without a voice or vocal to speak for us. Becoming as fashionable as a pooch dragged along in a somewhat oversized handbag, to be popular is good but to be misinterpreted and badly portrayed is in fact the opposite, give me a voice, give me a purpose or just throw me away and write me off as another unpaid volunteer.

And so this is my scream, my unheard shout into the duvet cover for help. Let us be happy again, give us faith and a friend yet we don’t need hand holding nor a forceful dosage of medication instead fill our wants and satisfy our needs, let us be happy again.

Having read this back to my untamed mind I now feel as though I am ready to begin or continue on this pathway, this plea to be heard, noticed and paid attention to once more. My mind now has unloaded and de-clouded I feel as though for now at least I can breathe once more.

:’)

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Twenty First Century Ignorance

Just because love is the most relatable emotion doesn’t make it so all powerful and almighty. What about loss? Or how you felt when you were constantly ignored by your parents? 

Ignorance is perhaps not meant or felt but being ignored or misunderstood is painful and when it happens is so much groundbreakingly worse. I guess just to go that one step further and say that anxiety, depression and mental illness can sometimes root from blatant ignorance is in my opinion wholly and completely true. Feeling worthless and as though no one cares, screaming for help when even tumbleweeds aren’t blowing your way is horrible. Period. It’s not always necessarily any one persons fault, blame society, blame the situation but NEVER yourself. 

How many times have you ever been ignored though? Now if I was to think about it, countless times. Not every ignorance is meaningful, though sometimes its just coincidence and not realising that one person isn’t getting enough attention happens naturally. The situation we now live in is also to blame, it’s so easy to not reply to that text message or forget you were supposed to wish someone luck in their upcoming job interview. That’s the cause, what about the solution, how should we take on this 21st century ignorance? 

OK. Truthfully there is no plan from this point, I guess I’ve ignored the fact that I should have thought about this a little more. However, last minute spur of the moment thinking is sometimes the best… no I won’t ignore this crisis, here is what I propose to you. Anyone can do it right now (no excuses) providing you have an up-to-date phone or access to the internet… hopefully you do otherwise how else will you access every single ‘What Are You Looking At?’ post? 😉

Step 1: Reach for your phone (imagining that this one won’t be too difficult), open messages, Facebook messenger or any kind of chat enabling application.



Step 2: Now viewing the last three conversations or people you spoke to, in all honesty this could be any three consecutive items in the list. 



Step 3: Here comes the difficult and 21st century ignorance part! Think about individually those three people, asking yourself obvious sounding questions: 

  • What are they doing this weekend? 
  • What was my reason for last speaking to them?
  • How is this person likely to be feeling?  
  • Do they usually go out a lot or are they a little introverted?

Step 4: Finally, if you thought that those questions were a) difficult to answer or b) made you feel as though you’ve been a terrible person and probably should contact them more, then do something about it! Speak with them, even if the conversation ends after you asked how are you? At least you tried visioning and attempting to make sense of someone’s thoughts and feelings.



As previously stated this was complete on the spot thinking and probably has a lot of flaws, which are now countlessly running through my mind as I overthink the situation. Buuuut… it’s a start and I challenge anyone to streamline this and solve the 21st century ignorance we are tasked with; which is basically the saga of mobile phones, social media and meeting your next love on tinder. 

Now as we are now in the midst of ‘new year, new me’ plans I’m going to try something a little different yet helpful, maybe I should call it ‘Agony Uncle’ or something like that? What about ‘Lovin’ from Liam’? Definitely not *tries to conjure new name on the spot* Either way click here to contact me and I will attempt to begin helping you or any friends you may have on the path to positivity. One catch: keep it kosher, please?

Thanks


Liam 😊 

2016, the Richter Scale of a Year

Twenty sixteen. Two thousand and sixteen. Two zero one six. 

They all mean the same of course, but this year was far from the same as any other. Things evolved, attitudes changed and now I’d go as far as saying I’ve become more of an ‘adult’. Quitting and moving on, taking new ideas in my stride and becoming a more open-minded person because of it. So I guess the idea here, or so I believe is that I look back at the ups and downs over this past year and tell you how I’ll change; well I guess I could dwell on the past but maybe if I just outline a few things that I think were important ‘eureka’ or turning point moments and then give them a rating on the richter scale. Now for anyone (like me) who has little or no knowledge of earthquakes and the richter scale, a small description call it a lesson in high school geography on this joyous topic. Courtesy of the internet.

P.S. If you do feel that you’re a whizz on this kind of stuff feel free to skip the diagram below 

The Richter Scale – Measuring the Magnitude of Earthquakes

All I’m saying is that if its 8 or more then that moment was pretty destructive, if you’ll let me, now I shall begin by picking 4 moments that stood out across the entirety of twenty sixteen. 

No. 1: Richter scale rating 6

So it was mid March and I guess it would have been around Easter time, things were getting pretty low and destructive emotionally. Like the diagram explains this rating ‘may cause major damage in populated areas’ and mentally it was exactly that, it was a dark time I felt alone, troubled and as though things were about to go downhill for the rest of the year. At the time I was seeing the doctor for feeling depressed, low and completely disfuntional to the rest of society, from here like every other similar story I was waiting listed and so the weeks past, I saw the doctor fortnightly. However, things gradually seemed to brighten up maybe it was the weather, I’ll never know for sure but what I will say is that eventually when I was actually referred and made it to the top of that what seems never ending list I was OK. The call arrived, it was a happy moment, when I could think about turning down the offer and me being me thinking of others who would benefit from the help which is so hugely needed.

No. 2: Richter scale rating 2

Moving forward chronologically, this time it was May (my birthday month) and oddly enough it was my birthday that is the focus of this moment. To be a bit more brief and not explain the presents that I had which may or may not have included money, clothes and deodorant… cheeky! It was a doubled birthday meal come farewell food for a girl at work, I was allowed to be happy because it was now my role for the taking but sadly she wasn’t so lucky. Overviewing that night we had American food, fries, burgers and drinks courtesouly flowing. The relaxation of the night and being able to properly let go within myself was probably the stand-out feature of this moment.

No.3: Richter scale rating 10 (Can totally destroy, not for the faint hearted)

The final point which I have chosen is a little personal, deep with floods of meaning. October would be the month, I’m sure of it because this gave me a fright more than halloween ever could or has. It was a Thursday evening around eight and I was out, alone just walking, freeing my head from a particularly anxiety filled day, cautiously breathing in the icy, mist filled air trying to desperately feel calmed and back to a more normal, rational state of mind. Now there’s a point of the walk where I come across a ledge, overlooking a huge field and below rocks are surrounding with no way of making it down. About 14 feet of pure air, free open space unoccupied and most definitely untouched. I won’t put it into words because I do not in any way want to think that within me is the capability of doing something that seems only acceptable in well… nowhere. What I will say is change happened and now I begin to picture that moment every time I’m low, lost or feeling worthless to anyone, simply because the adrenaline and fighting voice in my mind just wants to move faster, achieve greater and feel stronger than it ever has before. In no way am I trying to scare or put a downer on anyone’s new year, the point I am on the grasp of here is sometimes you have to hit new lows before you ever feel high or push your self to believe in you once again. 

Here is my proposition and fight talk for you! Never ever doubt your beliefs or completely change who you are just because someone else is telling you to do so, even if they go as far as getting into your head and altering your ‘normal’. So looking ahead maybe you could do the whole ‘new year, new you’ just make sure that it’s because you want it or need to and you can almost never be far from greatness. 

Liam OUT! 

Happy New Year and best wishes, smile and think about my propositon for a while, now stop ✋ (Don’t overthink!)

2017 awaits us.

What Are We Looking At?

What are we looking at?

Honestly what are we all interested in that is so appealing about how others look, what they’re interested in, likes or dislikes they may have and everything that makes them unique. We all silently or even sometimes more openly do it, so why is it so important that we comment on what we think. Maybe it’s do with our built-in social nature that we try to judge whether some is suitable enough to talk with or if they meet our expectations of ‘normality’. It’s nice to think that we’re noticed and seen, but how are we to know that secretly someone else is slating us and making us out to be something we most definitely are not?

It all comes back to the line ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ which is true, but it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen because it just is society, a feature that’s within our means and without this pre-judgement and quick look up and down we become disconnected as humans, too afraid that we’re staring or being nosy but maybe this is what we need more of? In no way am I suggesting that we should go around eyeing up every individual deciding whether, they’re ‘cool’ or worthy of being an almost decent human being however what I am saying is that if we just took a little more notice and actually cared for complete strangers then some of the most devastatingly blatant problems could be avoided. Obviously it’s easy to spot when someone is physically ill or looks a little under the weather, what about if someone was feeling low or secluded? Is that as easy to notice? Probably not! Being singled out and made to feel as though this hasn’t been picked upon is even worse. It can be strange how the smallest of words can alter this mood or feeling, talking from personal experiences here, try it – giving a short complement to someone you come into contact with. Evidently not everyone relies on this mantra, because lets face it there are individuals who don’t need it, who are too egotistic to even realise that others exist on this planet, but still a little acknowledgement wouldn’t go a miss.

For me this week it was high and low central, there were many moments that just left me feeling reclusive and defective to the world on the other hand I did actually get up to some pretty eventful things which actually made me feel a lot better. It’s safe to say I’m ending the week on a kind of high (It’s Monday tomorrow, not everything is bright and rosy).

In a little more detail the lows, were so bad in fact I feel almost shit writing about them now because they’re devastatingly horrific. I don’t fully want to go into great depth because I want to say that it’s over (for now) but this probably isn’t going to stay this way. No one and I mean everyone can be on a constant high, even the meth addicts have to come off drugs sometime *rolls eyes at attempted joke*. Come downs are sad and being there is the reason why I started this blog so perhaps something good did come from experiencing this drowning, lonely emotion (totally debatable of course).

Apologies for the lack of substance and meaning in this post, I really for once am not in the mood but then aside from this I don’t know what I’m going to do for the rest of today… Thinking sounds good, thinking about where I am, where I’m headed and then how much I over think this very situation every time. It’s not that I am not excited for the future it’s just finding out what that will be and getting there!

Enjoy the coming week, there is hope and try not to put yourself in situations where it’s inevitable that you’ll feel low. At least I’ll try to achieve this!

 

LIAM OUT!


Liam Thompson - liam.thompson123@hotmail.com - @Sup_Liam