Read Me and Don’t Ignore :'(

Facebook algorithms trying to pick up on harmful depressing habits, fake disconnected messages from ‘friends’ asking if you’re OK only to never be truly acknowledged are all well and rosy but where’s the feeling, the real immersed experience and raw emotion? Someone who actually and yes I mean actually cares where are they at? Because right now all I want to do is screw up my duvet cover, cover my face and scream with every last vocal cord inside me.

Loneliness and maintaining friendships or even finding friends for that matter are so hard to come by it seems that if I actually went through my Facebook account and deleted all of the people I haven’t spoken to in the last 6 months there would be about exactly 0 shown next to the little ‘friends’ icon. Now yes I guess this is a cry for help because every single person who suffers the same fate knows exactly how this feels, not having really anyone to turn to, having family think you’re suffering and being portrayed by every other soul as weak or told to just ‘harden up a bit’.

How about, no?

Actually that’s not a question it should be a statement. How about, no!

Individuals may argue that we live in a feminine world where emotions, fashion, looks and mannerisms are becoming too dominant but I for one completely and truly disagree. After leaving education where your mind and body is surrounded by others non-stop, with the same old dramas of relationships and struggling to decipher what it is we should do with our lives, with this all being acted out in front of our very eyes. Social media making us hungry to know who went on to become the next big popular party animal at university or how the perfect couple are still together taking endless selfies of their latest break to Iceland, leaving only I, you and us to figure out the realities of all of this.

Sure there have been bright moments but these are only later foreshadowed by the dark looms of unhappiness and feeling unwanted by the world. Celebrities and public figures throwing their thoughts in, under-funded and left without a voice or vocal to speak for us. Becoming as fashionable as a pooch dragged along in a somewhat oversized handbag, to be popular is good but to be misinterpreted and badly portrayed is in fact the opposite, give me a voice, give me a purpose or just throw me away and write me off as another unpaid volunteer.

And so this is my scream, my unheard shout into the duvet cover for help. Let us be happy again, give us faith and a friend yet we don’t need hand holding nor a forceful dosage of medication instead fill our wants and satisfy our needs, let us be happy again.

Having read this back to my untamed mind I now feel as though I am ready to begin or continue on this pathway, this plea to be heard, noticed and paid attention to once more. My mind now has unloaded and de-clouded I feel as though for now at least I can breathe once more.

:’)

img_0062-4

Advertisements

S.A.D. (ness)

Three words… I love you? Merry Christmas everyone? … What about: seasonal affective disorder?

Firstly a little background as this wasn’t something I’d heard about fully until earlier this year so I’m sure there will be some confused looks if this is completely new to you or just want a quick refresh. Here we go:

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD as defined by Mind.org.uk  is a form of depression that is influenced by the change in season and usually occurs as a reaction to change in the weather system or seasonal occurrences. In other words cold weather, dark days and lack of sunlight can actually affect your mental health of course this does also work in reverse whereby summer months have the same impact. Less common but still as ever a big deal.

Hopefully that rids a few lost looks *prays* *quickly checks Mind link*.

Now for the main event: What I am most definitely trying to imply here is that yes it is a week until Christmas, just in case you may not have noticed or forgotten to open all the doors on your advent calendar up until this point. A which point I would like to say to you, I envy you, think of all the little mouthful size chocolates you have to indulge in! Moving away from the chocolate fueled thoughts… Honestly, now take a step back, look around and notice whether there is the chance that anyone you know, have ever known or haven’t spoken to in a while is likely to be alone, feeling low or just needs someone to talk to. Don’t worry I’m not asking you to call up your ex asking if they’re feeling SAD because the obvious answer or so I would like to think would be that yes, yes they are sad, you’re no longer in their life to make them feel less so. Bitter much?

SAD or not SAD? No good person really deserves to be alone especially on the 25th, so I guess you could drop them a text, send them a slightly delayed Christmas card or just make sure that they’re OK. However if that person is after reading the Mind link above, actually SAD it may be best to a) ensure they have the best Christmas ever and b) consult Mind either through the website or giving them a call.

No one will laugh. At least no decent human being anyway.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, who am I kidding there’s no way I’ll be able to put down that box of chocolates for even a second, so enjoy!

sad-2
Help is only a not-so-complicated diagram away!

Liam OUT!

Other helpful links (order of positive-ness)

What Are We Looking At?

What are we looking at?

Honestly what are we all interested in that is so appealing about how others look, what they’re interested in, likes or dislikes they may have and everything that makes them unique. We all silently or even sometimes more openly do it, so why is it so important that we comment on what we think. Maybe it’s do with our built-in social nature that we try to judge whether some is suitable enough to talk with or if they meet our expectations of ‘normality’. It’s nice to think that we’re noticed and seen, but how are we to know that secretly someone else is slating us and making us out to be something we most definitely are not?

It all comes back to the line ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ which is true, but it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen because it just is society, a feature that’s within our means and without this pre-judgement and quick look up and down we become disconnected as humans, too afraid that we’re staring or being nosy but maybe this is what we need more of? In no way am I suggesting that we should go around eyeing up every individual deciding whether, they’re ‘cool’ or worthy of being an almost decent human being however what I am saying is that if we just took a little more notice and actually cared for complete strangers then some of the most devastatingly blatant problems could be avoided. Obviously it’s easy to spot when someone is physically ill or looks a little under the weather, what about if someone was feeling low or secluded? Is that as easy to notice? Probably not! Being singled out and made to feel as though this hasn’t been picked upon is even worse. It can be strange how the smallest of words can alter this mood or feeling, talking from personal experiences here, try it – giving a short complement to someone you come into contact with. Evidently not everyone relies on this mantra, because lets face it there are individuals who don’t need it, who are too egotistic to even realise that others exist on this planet, but still a little acknowledgement wouldn’t go a miss.

For me this week it was high and low central, there were many moments that just left me feeling reclusive and defective to the world on the other hand I did actually get up to some pretty eventful things which actually made me feel a lot better. It’s safe to say I’m ending the week on a kind of high (It’s Monday tomorrow, not everything is bright and rosy).

In a little more detail the lows, were so bad in fact I feel almost shit writing about them now because they’re devastatingly horrific. I don’t fully want to go into great depth because I want to say that it’s over (for now) but this probably isn’t going to stay this way. No one and I mean everyone can be on a constant high, even the meth addicts have to come off drugs sometime *rolls eyes at attempted joke*. Come downs are sad and being there is the reason why I started this blog so perhaps something good did come from experiencing this drowning, lonely emotion (totally debatable of course).

Apologies for the lack of substance and meaning in this post, I really for once am not in the mood but then aside from this I don’t know what I’m going to do for the rest of today… Thinking sounds good, thinking about where I am, where I’m headed and then how much I over think this very situation every time. It’s not that I am not excited for the future it’s just finding out what that will be and getting there!

Enjoy the coming week, there is hope and try not to put yourself in situations where it’s inevitable that you’ll feel low. At least I’ll try to achieve this!

 

LIAM OUT!


Liam Thompson - liam.thompson123@hotmail.com - @Sup_Liam

 

Social Media Disconnection

Past, present and future aside I guess this is where it gets real tough. So far I’ve tried to set out who I am, what I’ve been through and where I want to go, now for the more difficult part maintaining these thoughts and giving readers something worthwhile and enriching to read.

Let’s be honest and ask ourselves how much time do I have to spare today? Then question why you were drawn to reading this? Feel free to comment but that’s not important or what this is about; what I’m getting to is standing out and being different is actually so difficult. With the current 7 billion and upwards on the planet how are you as an individual supposed to even give this a shot?

Exactly.

However the world that many of us live in is actually pretty small, there’s probably if you’re like me about a handful of other individuals that I care about and rely upon. (With the exception of Kim Kardashian and every other lame celebrity that we are somehow interested in) These close others mean something to us but only because we have together shared some kind of experience or moment. It seems that childhood is just a forced experience, in school we’re all there to become ‘educated’ (supposedly) but socially this is also a big learning curve, with some of us falling and others rising to the top in the fight for dominance. As scary as this was, this is no way a true representation of the society that we really live in (sometimes referred to as the ‘living in the real world’). Moving on from that awkwardly deep procrastination, in blatant terms school ≠ life purely because it’s so forced and just means that failure is bound to happen. Maybe a more true model would be failure = life, but then moving on from this failure or ‘perceived’ failure is where things get interesting… The choice is yours!

Now for a more personal issue, a surprisingly sad and impacting event happened this week and well I guess it isn’t something that’s new to me or all that different from how my childhood was but I feel as though I should share it as there are definitely others that can relate. Welcome to 2016.

It was Wednesday evening and I was leaving for the gym (as I do pretty much every other dull Wednesday), already feeling a little tired at this point it must have been about 7pm. Gathering myself together and readying for physical exercise, which would definitely divide a group of teenagers think of it as pizza lovers vs healthy juicers. Anyway… it was part way through the car journey to the gym that this happened, setting the scene think dark sky, headlights, sitting behind the steering wheel, a popular radio station blasting. Then it struck me, remember at this moment in time that I was tired and exercise did not seem like a good first option, but I’m all for plan B’s, half way through my ride there I felt a little empty; lost and disoriented I reached down to do a double-check of my pocket, then the other. Confirmed! It wasn’t there! Do I turn home now to pick it up or do I prove to myself that actually I can cope without it?

If you hadn’t already guessed what this was I’d left my phone at HOME! (tragic)

The feeling in that moment was that I was so disconnected from the world, what if someone text or I was needed in an emergency, more importantly how was I going to ‘gym’ without it? Then after the initial ‘Shit it’s at home’ it crossed my mind that realistically this is so 100% sad and I can definitely cope without it? Surely? Concluding this borderline ‘story’ come desperate side note, I didn’t go home even though it was a close 50/50 split, instead I carried on, went to the gym and actually felt a little better for it. No lies it was pretty tense, with no earphone barrier to defend me from the dreaded protein heads, but happily this over-thought fantasy never surfaced and at most I was un-contactable for an hour at least (not that anyone entirely cared) :/.

Post phone-gate and failure = life, I feel as though it was a pretty ‘decent-ish’ week. Nothing too amazing happened there were anxiety filled moments but nothing that I totally couldn’t deal with.

*Prays to the well-being Gods for another livable week* 🙂

 

LIAM OUT!

 

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Yeah! I made it! A second post is actually happening, this just means that now I’m fully committed and willing to devote a small amount of MY time voicing MY opinion and telling MY story… I guess (perhaps a bit too much about me).

Moving forward… Immediately I thought this week I would start by reflecting on the things which have changed this past year, and then everything else which has remained a constant. And looking back there actually aren’t that many ‘sames’ in my life which I guess could be taken as a positive or a negative… I’ll leave that for the over-thinkers to ponder on (like myself)

So let me begin by saying I’m writing this as accurate and as emotion filled as I possibly can because I want to be completely honest and not tell some boring half-baked ‘story’ (if you’d call it that) what would be the point otherwise? It would have been about a year ago now that I started university, Aston to be exact studying marketing, I feel like I already mentioned that! So it probably would have been freshers week, where it all ‘kicked’ off and not being the usual party type I wasn’t that set on going out each night, getting drunk, having an obligatory kebab and then waking up the next morning feeling totally fragile. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a total introverted recluse, I did go out, have fun and all the rest. I was on the winning team of the 2015 freshers pub quiz, so don’t ever underestimate the power of a store of useless facts and pop knowledge. Anyway… that awkwardness out of the way, I made some good friends, chatted and introduced myself to every other fresher with the usual; Hi, I’m Liam, what are you studying? That went on pretty much the whole 7 weeks I was at uni which was pretty annoying…

To fast forward a little and get to the ‘juice’ (if you’d call it that) my time there was good, but clearly not good enough for my little head to handle. There were moments where I thought ‘I can do this, I could leave with a first’ and there was the other extreme that was ‘Just drop out, you’ve never actually wanted this, you don’t have to follow the crowd’ in the end it was the more independent self-thoughts that won and from that I’m completely glad that I was able to listen to myself and not just obey what all of my friends at the time were doing. The lesson here being, just do you and it’s pretty difficult to go wrong. Although I did learn some things about myself at university and the direction I wanted to go in, it was a pretty expensive 7 weeks, luckily I didn’t go the whole year and blow my entire salary of my current job in one go (that would have been tragic).

That was how university and career paths and life played with my head. But at the same time, as always there were other things going on in the background that to me meant a lot more than things in the background should. I don’t want to completely break-down because right now I can’t I’m just not in that place anymore but I suffered… It was a low, perhaps the lowest I’ve ever felt but now I can say, it happened and if there are days where I feel that way I can move past them and occupy my mind with the positives or just talk to myself (insanity) about what it is that’s getting to me. Call it depression, anxiety or just human that doesn’t matter what does is seeking help and not allowing it to get any worse, other cases can be more extreme self-harm, psychosis, eating disorders. In some ways I was lucky to never have experienced any of these but emotions and thoughts are dangerous and it should never get that far, that someone should have to result to creating their own little coping mechanism to deal with the emotional, anxiety filled pain.

I’m not trying to be an agony aunt neither am I trying to say that everything is going to be OK because it’s probably not, but it helps to talk and express yourself a little. Now when I feel low or empty I listen to music, I leave the house having no reason to, I talk to a friend (or anyone) and most of the time this feels way better than just staring out of a window or sitting in a closed room crying to yourself because you feel completely inadequate, like you’re worth nothing. To anyone.

Maybe I did get a bit too emotional putting that into words but who actually cares, because right now I don’t! Everyone is the same with their own subtle differences, some more than others but emotions are felt by all of us, knowing how to control and nurture them is perhaps where we go wrong.

Wow… So I think now you can see where things have gone in the past year, currently I’m an apprentice accounts assistant (sounds pretty fancy) and studying for AAT Level 4 Professional Diploma in Accountancy. Which to most is kind of basic but like I said who actually cares, I enjoy it… for now 🙂

Who knows where I’ll be in another years time, the age 20 sounds pretty scary but I’m sure I’ll cope with it (some how), until next week!

 

LIAM OUT!

P.S. Thank you to those of you read, liked or even just glanced over my first post, that acknowledgement actually meant a lot, also apologies for the soppiness you just witnessed, but someone had to cover this subject x

Intros and Welcomes

Ordinarily I hope I’ll get to the point of writing a post and knowing exactly what to say and how it should be worded so that I don’t look like a complete newbie (which of course I am). But now we have that awkward opening part out-of-the-way I guess I should introduce myself and say hi I’m Liam. Liam Thompson. A pretty not so chill teen from lets say the West Midlands in the UK (for all those international readers obv), at the moment I’m currently an accounts apprentice at a small-ish property business which you could say is going well, but we’ll get to that part later on I’m sure. Just to cut short anymore boring brief background information about myself I’ve decided to start this blog in order to voice my own opinions and express myself a little more, because I kind of feel that it will help me through (like every other blogger before me) and hopefully… eventually I will inspire others to do the same!

As I said before ‘not so chill’ the reasoning being because there are actually so many little small problems, call them OCD’s, which worry me and as a guy it isn’t really expressed or spoken about on any kind of scale. So to do this you could say is a pretty big step for man and mankind. I also apologise in advance for my jumpy, sometimes broken writing skills; English was never my strong point at school and this probably outlines why but I’m going to go ahead and do it anyway (rebel). But back to the OCD’s yes I have problems but then again so does everyone else so why should I be any different? Why should this not just be a re-iteration of everything that has been said before? Why can I not just express how I feel and then take it from there? In answer to all those questions I guess I just want to voice an opinion without being completely shot down for feeling that way, being different is good so why can that not just be accepted?

Moving on… (was that too fast?)

Back to the day job (for now)… So as I previously said I’m an accounts apprentice at a small property management firm, which is going pretty well at the moment but the reason why I’m here is kind of a long story because originally this was never where I had set out to be neither is it somewhere that I’d like to spend the rest of my days, it’s just for the now and not the forever (pretty sure that’s a quote from somewhere). To start off this time in 2015 I was all ready to embark on my adventure to university studying marketing because that seemed like the legitimate thing to do, but in all honesty it lasted about 7 weeks and then after a trip to Blackpool which resulted in me missing a week of uni I was definitely not interested in carrying this on any longer. And so the obvious thing to do was quit and find something else that perhaps wasn’t going to cost me nearly as much money or waste my time like university was for me. Of course I understand everyone is completely individual and will have their own views on this, but this was my choice and it’s now the thing that makes me happy, knowing that I actually made the right decision. Never before had I been a quitter or someone who would give up so easily but there was just no momentum, sure fresher’s weeks was ok and there weren’t that many contact hours but this was just not for me!

To finish this post up I’m going to conclude by saying that I plan to get something else up this time next week so Sunday 25th September is in my (metaphorical) diary and I promise I won’t quit this time. But thank you if you read this and thought, well that was bearable, maybe you’ll put up with me for just one more post. Who knows where we’ll end up at the end of this at least we could metaphorically have each others backs!

It’s all metaphorical, I mean life is just one huge metaphor right?

LIAM OUT!

 

P.S. Feel free to comment should you wish to do so 🙂